I know many people love jigsaw puzzles, but I don't think I've enjoyed them since I grew beyond the ones with 25 pieces or less. They've always seemed to be an exercise in futility to me. After all the hours spent putting it together, it goes back into the box and looks exactly like it did if you hadn't done anything.
I realize the same could be said of books; you spend the time reading them, close the cover and, apart from a few dog-ears, everything looks the same. The difference is that after reading a book, I am not the same. I am especially fond of the mental exercise of mysteries. I've been a mystery lover since my childhood escapades with Nancy Drew. Maybe that's why I love reading Scripture so much - there are always hidden "clues" that God reveals and puts together to help me see the bigger picture.
There is one fifteen-year-old mystery I had been unable to solve. I have been journaling since 1996 (and currently working on volume 23) and there's a 3 month gap back in the summer of 1998. I know this was a very difficult time for me, when my health issues were at their worst. Being a fairly new Christian, I thought if God had any mercy at all, he would just let me die. I lost my mobility, I lost most of my friends, I lost everything that I had allowed to define me. With all this going on, I wondered why the silence in my journal? I had plenty to write about, and I certainly had the time...
Current events have finally allowed me to solve this mystery. For those of you who were wondering about my postings lately - specifically the lack thereof - I have been on what I can best describe as an involuntary hiatus. I have spent the last several months working to get on top of the latest medical issues to crop up. Most days have been spent totally exhausted (as in 3 hour naps and still ready for bed by 6:30 p.m.) with a splitting headache more often than not. Thankfully my energy is returning steadily, and though I'm still having headaches the bad ones are not as frequent as they had been.
Now I know why there was a gap in my journaling. It's the same reason there's another gap now. As my pain and exhaustion increased and my abilities declined, I begin throwing the ballast of my life overboard in hopes of staying afloat. The last things to go were journaling and blogging.
Back in 1998 I spent some of my time with God, but since I was new to it I didn't do much. Since I believed my value was in my accomplishments, I needed to have something to show for my time. One of the few things I was able to do with my limitations was scrapbooking. Not only was this something my family would appreciate, it was one of the few things I could "do."
One of the many things I love about God is that no experience is ever wasted. Besides solving the "Mystery of the Missing Journaling," this recent experience has shown me how much I've grown spiritually. While there's nothing wrong with scrapbooking, that was ballast I had to cut loose several years ago. Again unable to accomplish much that is visible, I've spent the last few months primarily spending time in God's presence. Even on the bad headache days, I'd read the Scripture I could and go over the verses I'd memorized earlier.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ~ Philippians 3:12
I don't have it all together by any means but it is encouraging to see, when I had to let go of most things in my life, that God is "My One Thing."
Current events have finally allowed me to solve this mystery. For those of you who were wondering about my postings lately - specifically the lack thereof - I have been on what I can best describe as an involuntary hiatus. I have spent the last several months working to get on top of the latest medical issues to crop up. Most days have been spent totally exhausted (as in 3 hour naps and still ready for bed by 6:30 p.m.) with a splitting headache more often than not. Thankfully my energy is returning steadily, and though I'm still having headaches the bad ones are not as frequent as they had been.
Now I know why there was a gap in my journaling. It's the same reason there's another gap now. As my pain and exhaustion increased and my abilities declined, I begin throwing the ballast of my life overboard in hopes of staying afloat. The last things to go were journaling and blogging.
One of the many things I love about God is that no experience is ever wasted. Besides solving the "Mystery of the Missing Journaling," this recent experience has shown me how much I've grown spiritually. While there's nothing wrong with scrapbooking, that was ballast I had to cut loose several years ago. Again unable to accomplish much that is visible, I've spent the last few months primarily spending time in God's presence. Even on the bad headache days, I'd read the Scripture I could and go over the verses I'd memorized earlier.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ~ Philippians 3:12
I don't have it all together by any means but it is encouraging to see, when I had to let go of most things in my life, that God is "My One Thing."
Songwriters: MULLINS, RICHARD
"Everybody I know says they need just one thing
And what they really mean is that they need just one thing more
And everybody seems to think they've got it coming
Well I know that I don't deserve You
Still I want to love and serve You more and more
You're my one thing
Save me from those things that might distract me
Please take them away and purify my heart
I don't want to lose the eternal for the things that are passing
'Cause what will I have when the world is gone
If it isn't for the love that goes on and on with
Chorus: My one thing
You're my one thing
And the pure in heart shall see God
You're my one thing
You're my one thing
And the pure in heart shall see God
Who have I in Heaven but You Jesus
And what better could I hope to find down here on earth
I could cross the most distant reaches
Of this world but I'd just be wasting my time
'Cause I'm certain already I'm sure I'd find
Chorus
Every night and every day
You hold on tight
Or you drift away
And you're left to live
With the choices you make
Oh Lord please give me the strength
To watch and work and love and sing and pray
'Cause who have I in Heaven but You Jesus
And what better could I hope to find down here on earth
Well I could cross the most distant reaches
Of this world but I'd just be wasting my time
'Cause I'm certain already I'm sure I'd find
Chorus
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I love this part especially "As my pain and exhaustion increased and my abilities declined, I begin throwing the ballast of my life overboard in hopes of staying afloat. " I can so relate, hope you get the recovery of spirit and health soon
Martha, you are distracted by so many things yet only ONE THING matters, Mary has got the bets part, and it cannot be taken from her
How often have I thrown God over when life got crazy, rather than throwing over the things that don't really matter. Thanks for sharing and challenging me to keep God and let go of other things.
I can also relate, Lisa. I wish I had known of your struggles and would have been able to lift you up, emotionally and spiritually. You always amaze me with what you DO accomplish and your outlook. Maybe God wanted you to have a time of rest and refocus. I definitely know that God did that for me in my "illness". God has constantly brought me back to John 5 this past year and a half. Each time He did and I would read "Do you want to get well?". At first I was angry when I would read this. I thought "Seriously? Why on earth do you think I'm petitioning you over and over again to heal me?" It wasn't until I realized God wasn't talking about a physical healing, that I finally started to move past the physical healing into the spiritual healing. I'll be praying for you that you will feel a resurgence of energy. ~Laura
Lisa, Reading this reminded me of the Footprints poem. "Lord, when I needed you most, when life was just so hard, why were there only one set of footprints in the sand? Where were you?" And the Lord replied, "My precious child, when it appeared you were all alone, it was then that I carried you". The mystery IS solved. Your absence is explained. You were just away with the Lord and we just had to wait! Glad to have you back. You are always an inspiration to me my friend!
First, I hope things get better for you so you can go back to journaling and blogging. Second, I totally understand why you haven't been able to.
I am glad your faith has helped you through the rough times.
Visiting with DYWW.
http://agutandabutt.blogspot.com/
Welcome back to "Tell Me a True Story." I understand the pain and tiredness and not wanting to blog or journal. We can also wear ourselves out "working for God," when all he wants is some of time sitting at His feet.
I think we have some aspects that are very similar. One of the funny aspects: I'm NOT, in the natural way, a good puzzle person. [SPIRITUALLY, God uses me that way, but NATURALLY it ain't a good thing.] Also, I'm a mystery-oriented person. Don't like the murders, visually, but DO like to see how the consequences come to pass and the evil ones lose their goals.
Physical and other issues are similar, too, but I think you're more patient than I am. I'm buried in frustration right now as my walking, stumbling, mental/memory keeps hitting my tail when I have so much to do.
Anyhow, gotta go get clothes out of the dryer. Life's reality striking again. ;-)
Bless you.